The Feeling Is Mutual:
Can something ever be completely mutual?
I don’t believe something can ever be mutual.
Mutual definition:
Adjective:
- (of a feeling or action) experienced or done by each of two or more parties towards the other or others.
- “a partnership based on mutual respect and understanding”
I believe we can agree and get as close to mutual as possible.
Let’s start thinking about the word mutual.
A suggestion, a partnership or a friendship cannot be entirely mutual. For true mutuality to exist, two people must think about the same thing at precisely that moment. Then, simultaneously verbalize it. Instead, what happens is that someone suggests a partnership, friendship or contract that’s already thought of, and the other party, perhaps liking it or wanting the same, would then be in agreeance.
It could, at best, be called consensus, not how we believe mutual is meant to be.
There exists a commonality, not mutuality.
The word mutual has been used to describe joint agreements or treaties. The one who suggests the contract or partnership has the superior or “upper hand” (however small) because the terms of the agreement exist mentally.
The above could apply to the world we live in!
White people, through colonization, already have the “contracts” on hand about how Black and Brown people should live, work, or play. We are thus conforming to a system in which we had no prior input or mutual agreement. Employment Equity or Affirmative Action contracts designed to achieve Diversity, Equity and Inclusion changes within the workplace would thus be concluded, with Black and Brown people as secondary citizens.
The contract would rely upon the magnanimity or charity of the white person in charge.
Unless Black and Brown people are drawing up these contracts, not much will change within our society. An example is the struggle to wear our hair naturally. Having an Afro or dreadlocks is not indicative of a bad work ethic. Unless one works in a restaurant kitchen and has to wear a hair net, there should be no contract, in writing or orally, dictating how people should wear their hair. The same applies to women who choose body-fitting outfits. I have yet to come across a company that prescribes to men, white men in particular, how to dress. (Excluding the standard dress of suit and tie) and I have seen some sloppy dresses in my time.
To ensure Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion are as inclusive as it purports, we must be included at the grassroots level, seated at the negotiation table when these contracts are in the drafting process. Until that happens, Black and Brown people are merely “accommodated” in a white-centric world.
That does not mean D.E.I. can’t be achieved, but as people, we need to sit down together and thrash out the terms and conditions of a contract before its implementation.
Anything less than that and we can’t say the feeling is mutual.
“If the feelings are mutual, the effort would be equal.”
- unknown
