Left Behind
The process of aging:
Growing old is “sold” to you in cute, little packages specifically designed for you to look forward to reaching 60.
The commercials show older couples (always good-looking people) walking hand in hand on the beach, retiring to communities where people play board games, take walks in nature and have extra time to spend with their beloved grandchildren or potter around in the garden.
Now and then, we see advertising for vitamins promising to put a “pep in your step.” Retired people are often portrayed as healthy and happy-and as consumers-we are practically rushing to reach retirement age, partly because it looks glamorous.
Other than a decline in health, older people are depicted as just being alive for longer than the rest, having a few wrinkles and a bit of extra weight around the middle of their otherwise healthy bodies — yes, it’s possible, and many people are fortunate enough to have lives such as those shown in adverts. Many elderly have chronic or debilitating illnesses, and some are diagnosed with terminally ill diseases.
The reality they don’t talk about:
Whilst I understand that it can be draining mentally (constantly seeing sick or terminally ill people), it is part of our reality, and we should prepare for it.
Most people understand this!
I feel “cheated” that the one aspect of growing old that’s never spoken about is the reality of feeling “left behind.” No one talks about how to deal with the constant “death news” of people you once knew in school, at work, or in your family who will and do pass on before you. While you see yourself growing older, you don’t quite see friends or family ageing too. You hear about the death of people you once knew and realize there is no preparation for that because it’s a topic that does not come up in everyday conversation.
When dealing with the news of the “first” death of someone you knew, though heartbreaking- it is viewed as part of life’s processes because death occurs at any age.
I have dealt with this alarming reality of growing older.
Suddenly, though, with more than 5 or 6 people my age passing on-it’s unsettling.
When I heard or read about 1 or 2 deaths of people I knew, it felt like I never had time to process their passing because there was more. Yes, death is a part of life, but no one told me that the older I get, the more deaths I would have to deal with.
The constant barrage of “bad news” makes the “condolence messages” seem almost automatic. My only defence- if I sound “robotic” is the shock I am still in from not having processed the previous deaths yet.
I feel as if I am left behind to mourn — not only their passing but also to celebrate their lives. To delve into my memory and regale people about the time I knew their loved ones: fonder, happier memories to counteract the sad ones.
I don’t know if I am making any sense of this. I only know that I feel I am being left alone on an island while everyone goes, and now I must learn the art of survival, which entails learning new skills and living without those I knew.
The challenge is to “navigate” through life while facing your inevitable demise and looking forward to growing old and retiring. Although I am a long way off from that, with 12 people (friends and family members) passing on within the last 24 months, I can’t help but feel overwhelmed with fear on some days.
Most days, though, I have learned to pray, meditate, listen to music, and sit in gratitude for my life and the love from my family.
I am becoming less afraid to be “left behind” and slowly understanding that possibly my “mission” is not yet complete, and continuing to honor those who have passed on forms part of that.
