I am part of an interracial couple and have been for 32 years. Please understand that what you are referring to is prejudice or bigotry, not racism.
Racism is prejudice + power (power being systemic, institutional, political, media power, social power etc). Every one of us can be prejudiced but only white people (globally) have the power to back up their prejudices. They have the power to change Black and Brown people's reality. (We see this with the Karens as an example of police brutality). We see this when a white person has a problem with a Black neighbour, co-worker or stranger on the street. They can shout or call attention to you and your reality will change in a second. You, as a Black person, do not have the same power to back up your prejudices. Remember the OnlyFans model, Courtney Clenney? She murdered a gentle Black man and was NOT arrested because she cried (white tears) that he attacked her first. It's only after a public outcry and proof that she was finally arrested. Racism teaches all of us to view Black and Brown people with suspicion and to give white people the benefit of the doubt.
This is so much bigger than the little bubble you live in with your wife. Trust me, I have lived it for many years and yes, my husband still gets treated differently or asked why he is with me.
Maybe, those Black women view your wife with suspicion because history and their lived experiences scream out at them to be cautious. Good luck and I wish you many happy years together, but please get to know how insidious and interwoven racism is in our global society.
Thank you for the article