Great article Garrick. My experiences are different yet all too familiar. I've been married to a white man for 32 years. We met when Apartheid had not officially ended in South Africa. He had to go to the army to fight Black and Brown people because he was told to they were dangerous and evil. (Young white men were jailed if they didn't do their 2-year national service after high school), and I was taught that white people were dangerous and evil (colonialism, Jim Crow, Apartheid etc) and fought for the right to exist in our country. Opposite sides of the fence and we had to spend an inordinate amount of time forging a way forward where our love and children would be accepted. So many years later, racism continues to rear its ugly head and I continue to challenge and educate. We were both seen as having betrayed our race but love doesn't ask or decide who to love, it just does.

I wrote about some of my experiences in The Sweetest Taboo articles.

As we walk together still holding hands, our eyes, though filled with love for each other and our children, no longer have rose-coloured spectacles on them. We view the world in all its beauty and ugliness and continue to create awareness of racism. It does however become tiring and I have learned to preserve my energy for the battles that matter. I am less concerned about individual racism (which he still deals with among his white peers at work and socially) and more interested in advocating for systemic and structural changes.

People from all races will do an "ah," when they see a grey-haired, hand-holding couple walking down the street, smiling and talking to each other. If only they knew the added battles, racism has piled onto us over the years.

I look back at these 32 years and realise that while love wins, hate enjoys pounding on it with every fibre of its being.

We have however learned to focus on strengthening the walls surrounding us and our family so that hate doesn't get an opportunity to destroy it.

I do not doubt that both our lives would have been easier had we not chosen outside of our race. But I don't regret this and our love is still here.

Thank you for writing this.