Dwayne Wong, 32 years I have been married. It's a lifetime, yet people still see only a white man with a woman who he will "soon" dump. Racism leveled at you makes you acutely aware that white people especially "other" you and my people either view me as a traitor or someone who they aspire to be.

As a CRT practitioner and someone who often writes about racism and inequality or Black history, it's always a minefield one has to walk. I cannot hate my husband, because I fell in love and we are happy and we have 2 beautiful children and one grandchild, but I also cannot turn a blind eye to the constant racism, oppression, and inequality of people who look like me, so I have to walk and be mindful while spreading my message. I didn't want my children to "hate" their white side. I am outspoken about injustices, having had a childhood during Apartheid in South Africa, I speak, write and lecture on it, sans the anger because of my family.

It has been hard to strike a balance because the balance would indicate that we are all equal and we aren't.

I did not want to lose my identity by focusing only on the future because the past is a constant presence, so my children know where I come from and have met my side of my family, who they love and enjoy being with, but they feel the same over my husband's side of the family.

There's that "balancing act" again. I knew going into this so many years ago that it wouldn't be easy, but I am learning to deal with the "guilt" of both being seen as a "traitor," and "more privileged," than other family members, and the jibes that sometimes come from "nowhere" other than deep-rooted racism and hate when I am the only one of color in a room of white people.

Interracial relationships can be beautiful when it's only two of you. It's the outside world that makes it ugly and he and I have learned to deal with that as and when it arises.

Thank you for your article. I love Maya Angelou (among others) although I lean more towards Toni Morrison.

🙏🏾